I'm excited for football to start & in the spirit of repping my Steelers I bought a Steelers shirt online, and it looks pretty badass on me. =) This Christmas will be our first Christmas as a family together...alone. The last few years we've always just gone over to my mom's. This year, I made it clear to Dave that we have to get a regular sized Christmas tree, (not our 4 foot midget tree. lol.) have ornaments on it, put lights on outside the house (which he's not thrilled about) have stockings up, have Christmas dinner ourselves, all that crap. I remember growing up, around the beginning of December my mom did all that stuff. Switched the hand towels & door mats to Christmas themed ones, put out nic-nacks & Christmas decorations, and I just remember as a kid how happy that made me. I got into the season. I want the same for Bella. Nothing less. And I won't let Dave being a grinch stop us. lol. At my dad's house, Dawn would put on a CD of Christmas music & we'd bake all sorts of crap. Fudge, peanut brittle, & she'd make different shaped sugar cookies & then we'd sit at the table & decorate them with different colored icing, red hots, chocolate chips, etc. Haha. I would be excited at first and all into it....but by the fifth or sixth one I was kind of over it so I'd just get them done as fast as I could. You could tell where I gave up. Some would be very detailed, then you'd see some that just had globs of icing & sprinkles on them. Haha!
It makes me so happy to think of these memories. It makes me think of my dad. Of the good times. I miss him so much sometimes. I bought him a Father's Day card & a birthday card this year. I was at Wal-Mart, & I bought my usual Father's Day cards: One for Russ (rolling my eyes) one for Dave, one for Dave's dad & his brother, & I started to walk on down to the next section of the store I needed to go to. But I had something bugging me. It was a hair. You know when you get a strand of hair on your back, down your shirt or on your arm, & you can't find it, but it keeps bugging you so you stand there like an idiot grabbing your arm searching for the little bastard?? Well yeah, that was me. lol. I finally got it, but took it as a sign from my dad. Haha! He bugged me a lot like those stupid hairs so I took it as him saying in his incredulous voice when he just COULDN'T BELIEVE I had done something, or didn't do something to his liking, "You mean to tell me.....that you got Father's Day cards for all those other people, & you didn't get one for your own FATHER?!" Haha. So I turned around & found one for him.
I felt good after I had done it too. When I was looking for cards for everyone BUT him, I felt....empty. Like I didn't care. Like I never wanted to buy another Father's Day card again. What difference does it make if I get these people cards if I can't get my own dad one? But after I bought it, I felt better, it was Father's Day after all, a day to honor your dad after all he did for you. And even though he isn't with me anymore, I can still honor him, in fact just buying him a card & filling it out even though I know I can't send it, I know he can't read it, is a wonderful way to honor him. It's me saying, "Hey, I know you're gone, but I'm still thinking of you. Today & every day, and I still appreciate everything you did for me. Happy Father's Day, Dad." And that's exactly what I did. I bought my dad a Father's Day card, filled it out, sealed it, & saved it. I did the same thing for his birthday. Bought him a card, filled it out, wrote a little letter to him updating him on how everything's been going, made fun of him a little, sealed it up, and saved it. It was very... therapeutic.
I'm not sure HOW I got on that topic but I must have had a burning desire to share it. So if you're still reading....thanks for listening. =)
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| Yepp, that's my Dad. Charming, wasn't he? (And people wonder where I get it from.) |
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