So I didn't think I would have such an overwhelming desire to post so often. Maybe it's just a phase since I just started this. Maybe after a while I'll get bored & stop posting so much, I don't know. In any case...
Bella is sleeping as I write this. So the house is nice & quiet, at least for a while. I figured I would have some coffee, do a little blogging, & read some of my book. Bella hates it when I read while she's awake. She wants my undivided attention. Haha. I swear, she's becoming more & more like me everyday. I worry about her when she gets older, like in high school. She's gonna be one of those girls who stands up for herself
too much. I know, you ask, "But Christina,
is there such a thing as standing up for yourself
too much?" Why yes, there is.
You see, when I was younger I had a very hard attitude. I still do, actually. I have a close group of friends & family who I love & respect & I feel like I don't need anymore. So to people I first meet, I put off this cold, hard attitude with this "look" that says, "Don't talk to me." (So says my boyfriend, anyway. Haha) Apparently without even knowing I'm doing it, I'll be glaring at someone, giving them a very mean look. Most of the time, I really don't mean to do it, it's just in my nature. I'm protecting myself. Here's this person who could eventually hurt me, & I don't need them so I'm going to give them dirty looks so that they will feel uncomfortable & stay away from me. I used to do it even to customers at Auto Tech......so they say.
But I think that I've softened up some as the years have gone by. I used to not let anyone get away with speaking badly of me or of anyone I care about. If someone was giving me a dirty look, at school perhaps, I'd stare at them & look just as mean until they'd look away, as most people will because it becomes uncomfortable. My boyfriend, Dave, is, in my opinion, very gifted in the sense that when someone says something negative about him, whether it be to his face or behind his back, he doesn't care. He lets things go. And it's not like when most people say, "Oh I don't care what they say. Doesn't bother me." Most people, myself included, when saying that, are lying through their teeth. They say it to make themselves look better in the hope that if they say it, it might come true. Like if you admit that your feelings were hurt, it would make you less of a person? Bullshit. It makes you honest. It makes you human. But no, when Dave says he doesn't care, he really doesn't. I wish I were that strong of a person. My feelings get hurt. Sure there are people who I really don't care about where if they say something, I literally couldn't care less, but most of the time I hurt. To hear something mean said about you hurts you, & instead of wanting to show that pain, you would rather show anger & attack back at them. You want them to feel that pain as you have. I used to be very confrontational, I still am, but I've calmed down more. Like if Dave & I are out somewhere & we're holding hands, let's say I see some woman looking at Dave. Not just looking, flirting with her eyes or whatever the fuck it is that girls do, I don't just ignore that. This bitch sees that we're together, we're holding hands so you can't say, "Oh I thought you were his daughter." (Haha.) And she still is disrespectful enough to be staring at my man. Uh-uh. I don't play that shit. I will stare her down & give her the dirtiest look that says, "If you don't move you eyes off my man, I'll cut them out." Haha. I wouldn't ever do that, of course. But she doesn't know that. If she sees my "look" & continues to stare at him, then I go up to her. I don't want to fight. I'll just say something like, "Excuse me, honey, would you mind keeping your eyes off my boyfriend. It's starting to get annoying" That's all. Dave
hates that. Haha. Most women would take the hint & move on, but rest assured, that doesn't mean I'm afraid to take it up a notch if she runs her mouth off. Some women are devious, disgusting creatures who need to be put in their place & most of them continue to act that way because no one has. I will. I may be a bitch if I don't like you, but one thing I won't do is try to flirt with a guy when his girlfriend is right there. That's just fucked & I won't let some bitch do that to me. I don't mind admitting it, I'd much rather stand up for myself then sit back & cry about it or let someone else do my fighting for me. THAT is weakness to me. I will ALWAYS fight back. If you let someone walk all over you or talk badly about you & you just put up with it, you don't fight back, that person & probably more people, are gonna know that you're a chump. You don't have enough respect for yourself to say something to them. I understand if like you work with someone so you wanna keep the peace. But if they continue to be disrespectful, enough is enough. You need to let them know what's up. But now, I wouldn't go up to someone & start pushing them, trying to fight. I've grown past that. I'll talk shit back, no problem. Of course, there is a certain line & if someone crosses it, God help them, but it would take a lot to get me to say, "Fuck it" & actually start beatin' someone down.
I worry that Isabella will be even more confrontational then I am. God, what then? Haha. I couldn't really tell her that's bad. I mean if I found out she walked up to someone & punched them for no reason, she'd be in some serious trouble. But if I found out that some stupid girl was talking about her for a while & she tried to ignore it but the girl wouldn't stop so she went up to the girl & defended herself & it resulted in a physical fight, I'm not gonna tell her "You were so wrong for doing that." I'd be proud of her. I don't know, I'm jumpin' the gun here & thinking too far ahead, but I think about these things all the time. Strange.....
Anyway, that's what I was thinking of & I thought I'd share it. What do you think?
